Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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