I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
