I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
