Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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