She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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