I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
