how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
