I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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