I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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