Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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