Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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