i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
