loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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