so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
