I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
