this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
