Cold hands, warm shart.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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