Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
