Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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