Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
