I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
