sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
