i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
