hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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