The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
