Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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