I have demons in me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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