Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
