Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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