I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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