24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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