I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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