Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
