You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
