So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
