It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
