i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
