I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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