You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
