she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize