just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
