if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
