Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
