U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
