five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize