My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
