i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
