Sry I called you an 8
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
