i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
