pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
