You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
