very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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