You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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