Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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