winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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