I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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