I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
