he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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