The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
