Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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