we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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