it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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